Yesterday I had a phone coaching session with our friend and colleague, Zen DeBrucke.
Barry and I have talked about coaching a lot on our live calls… because sometimes you’re just too close to a situation to be able to stand back and see the big picture.
Books and audios are great, and so is meditation… but an experienced coach can help you see clearly what’s going on in your life, and that clarity is sometimes all you need to move forward.
I have shown one of Zen’s videos on the Internal Guidance System elsewhere on this blog, which you can see here…
And here she is being interviewed on the topic:
But one-on-one, although she prompted me to listen to my IGS as she talked (to know if her assessments were on or not), we went in a whole different (and personal) direction…
Zen and I talked about my various relationships, and some of the patterns I’ve created (which we all create, but I’ve gotten to the point of knowing that and seeking out experts on the topic to help me decipher them).
Every relationship you have is a mirror — it’s reflecting back to you what you’re expressing or repressing.
You may embrace or deny that quality… and if you deny it (or hate it, fear it, or are repelled by it) — in fact, if it makes you uncomfortable at all — it’s part of your “shadow self”.
Both your ego (the part of you that you recognize) and your shadow self (the part of yourself that you don’t) can be reflected back to you in your relationships.
Once you recognize your shadow qualities, and the buttons or triggers that others “push” in you, then you can begin to heal those areas of your life.
This is just a little background, or “Self 101”. Zen, knowing that I had done some research and study in these areas in the past (because I’m fascinated with unwrapping how life works), was able to speak to me in terms of “mirrors” as we chatted about my life.
We talked about my family, we talked about my ex-husband, and we talked about my current partner, Barry. Again and again during the conversation, I was able to see the patterns that were emerging between them, and between them and me; and because I was open to accepting those patterns in an effort to stop repeating them, I was inspired by the process.
What Zen told me was that if the pattern was a recent emergence — not something we’ve experienced or had trigger us in our childhood, but something that repeatedly upset or angered us now — then it’s something we need to overcome in our journey to live our lives on purpose. It’s basically a new challenge that has been thrown down for us to overcome and move past as we strive towards our mission in life.
It’s an indication that we have to “deal with our crud”, as she says, in a certain order… hence the popular bumper sticker:
“I finally got my sh*t together, but I forgot where I put it”
In our closest relationships, it helps to want to deal with each other’s “crud” too. Not only is it a reflection of you, but since we only show our worst qualities to the people we’re closest to, it’s a sign that we love, respect and trust each other enough to allow that side of ourselves to come out.
It’s very powerful to be in a relationship where we can be ourselves — and it’s something we should be grateful for.
And probably the most profound thing that Zen said to me was:
“It depends how you ride the wave. You can be on top of it, or you can be crushed underneath.”
Life is not a flat pond that allows you to skate through it effortlessly (that’s my metaphor, which just came to me). It’s going to be a bumpy ride, full of ups and downs, so we need to be prepared for that and deal with it accordingly.
I choose to ride the crests of my waves… and now that Zen has helped me work through how to do that even more, I’m planning to be a surfing superstar.
I hope you’re riding the tops of your waves, too.
Keep Unwrapping the Mysteries of Life!
